So there’s this guy…Of course, there’s always some guy. But this one is different.
I know, I know, I say that and think that every time. But the thing is this guy really is different. This enigmatic mysterious hippie who seems to understand life better than anyone I’ve ever encountered. Of course the ironic part about it is that the reasoning for this is that he is aware that he doesn’t understand life and that it is not meant to be understood. How do ya like them apples, huh?
He always tries to help guide me along the path of how to live in the moment and how to follow my heart. He talks to me about meaningful and important things like how thought is reality and how expectations are what leads to many of our problems in life. He explains to me things like how words get in the way and how labels and presumptions are negative things.
He likes to grow things and cook delicious organic food for me. He talks about interesting things such as what makes airplanes work and the real measurements of the units of calories. He tries to encourage me to meditate and to let things be what they are instead of trying to wrap them up into the pretty little box of what I think they should be that society has conditioned me to feel like I need to be happy.
He talks about how this whole society is sucked into all this fake bullshit. How consumerism is ruining humanity. He likes to be barefoot as much as possible and he takes pants and makes them into long shirts with homemade hems tailored by himself to his delight.
He makes my heart race and my consciousness expand. He encourages all the good things to come out of me and blossom like a beautiful flower that wants to thrive when offered enough water and sunlight. He encourages me to spend time outside and to be still and appreciate the small things in life.
He has helped me understand how the simplest concepts can change your entire life. How happiness is a choice that you should not allow to be determined by external factors. He likes to keep me on my toes and calls me out on every ounce of bullshit that I allow within myself.
He has made me better. In the course of the past six months or so of getting to know him my life has drastically improved and continues to improve regularly. He encourages me to seek meaning in my life and to improve myself constantly. He shows me movies that blow my mind like this movie called Ink, and Fight Club which turns out is not at all some dumb action movie like what I expected but instead something incredibly meaningful and amazing! He also has shown me movies like the Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy, another awesome and mind blowing movie.
I find myself thinking about him more often than what I probably should. In all honestly I might be bordering on obsession but I don’t know how to stop it and I’m not even sure I want to. The ringtone on my phone when he calls is Lykke Li “Little Bit.”
He has introduced me to some other really amazing and open-minded folks as well. Turned me on to amazing music I had never heard of that has changed my life and inspired me beyond belief such as Medicine for the People.
Most importantly. He makes me feel alive. He makes me feel like this life has such amazing and intricate purpose and that the whole fun of it is trying to figure it out. Words cannot even fully describe the way he makes me feel.
I think I’m in love with this amazing being but I’m too frightened to tell him. I’m honestly not sure I even need to…I think he already knows and I’m not sure it even needs to be said. He is not my boyfriend…or maybe he is. There are no labels. There are feelings involved, intimacy, sex, wonderful conversation and outings and affectionate playful touching and cuddling. Oh, and he has this amazingly adorable cute little chihuahua. I love her and she is my buddy.
I’ve tried cajoling more information out of him in regards to his feelings for me, what is going on with us and what is happening. He sees right through it and refuses to play into it. He more or less simply explained it to me one night while I was vodka-filled and convinced him to sleep over at my place. He more or less said something to the effect of: do you enjoy what we have? To which, of course, my answer was yes. And he was kind of like, then why do you have to make it into more than what it is? Can’t it just be what it is and you can enjoy it as such? This again ties into the “live in the moment” and “be present” concepts.
I can’t be sure. I have no proof and I could possibly be wrong. But what I THINK is my heart…tells me that he just might love me too. I can’t be certain, but I get that feeling maybe. I won’t ask him, and I don’t think he’ll tell me. We’ll just have to see what the future holds. But, I just get this feeling.